August 3, 2019
October 1995 is when it’s beginning truly began to assault my senses… I find myself tracing my finger along the time line trying to see that beginning, feeling like an archeologist or anthropologist trying to piece together the details of the past from the pot shards and bones left behind.
My broken memories are those shards and my critics are those bones, those people, who are all around me, who remember things one way or another… either revealing an inviting past or a horrid one. So grace is the first ingredient to add to this setting down of a record of the past.
My scripture is Revelation 12:10-12…. overcoming the enemy by:
1) The Blood of the lamb
2) The word of our testimony
3) not loving my life so much as to shrink from death
I can’t do anything about the bones, wounds, and pot shards, but I can dust them off carefully for you, as try, together, to figure out what really went on, all those years ago.
God is the hero, we are the fallen, and the serpent’s power lies in the lies that he seduces us with when we are ripe like fruit for the picking. But a verse in Ephesians speaks of how God fooled them all. All those principalities and powers.
I became a servant of this gospel by the gift of God’s grace given me through the working of his power. Although I am less than the least of all the Lord’s people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the boundless riches of Christ, and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things. His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose that he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord. In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory. through the mystery that is his GRACE. God’s grace. Paul speaks of depths and mystery. He is full of AWE as he writes his various letters that God inspired him to write. He did not come across as one who had it all figured out. Indeed he spoke of longing to know the power of his resurrection (Christ Jesus’) Setting aside the past to take a hold of that for which God had taken hold of him.
So I am vaulted into the realm of poetry speaking of the grace God has led me through.
It’s Saturday, the day of visitation granted by the courts, both the lower court and the higher court. God declaring to me through BOTH that HE is almighty, and I am not.
I’m greeted by four children, in a McDonald’s parking lot, at about 7:oo am. Ripped from their lives, all of those there, as the enemy’s scheme seems to be coming to fruition, but it’s God’s plan in play. Romans 1:21 he is almighty God.
The two youngest mostly innocent in their heart’s minds run to embrace me. The two oldest – struggling to understand, struggling to have a good guy/bad buy story that fits all the facts – they arrive, a story in their heads that has me as the BAD GUY that they are stuck with, after being dropped off by the GOOD GUY. I see that they aren’t mine. I see the distance like a Grand Canyon, and yield to Him. Myself supported by both natural and supernatural ability and bents.
By the end of the day it’s raining and I have a couple of hours left with them, and there’s no place to go, so we go under the play structure. I have with me the mini voice recorder – I kept with me so that I could hope not to be damaged by misquotes – we play a game where the first one starts the story, and the next one continues it, and the next, etc as it travels around the circle.
On the way home after the McDonalds parking lot lands to take them again, off into outer space, I am driving in tears. Alone. I can’t even remember anyone being there with me but God. It’s a hybrid of Saturdays this writing you’re listen to.
As my heart pours out to God in confusion and release – praise at what had happened that day. Those two oldest one’s came over at some point and embraced me in my brokenness and they in theirs, I belonged to them, and they to me once more. And as the memory of the day flooded past in all the blur of memories God whispered to me this hope:
This is how it will be, at the end of the day, it will be like this. My children together with me in Love and grace and peace.
As I rose from the bed at 7:30 am I walked into the washroom to see if I looked well to be seeing them all, so many, at one time.
“You look fine, like the OLD MAN that you are.”
“Am I going to die soon?”
“Live like you are, live like you are going to live forever, live like it doesn’t matter.”
Hebrews 5:11-14 We have much to say about this, but it is hard to make it clear to you because you no longer try to understand. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
…learn to listen to hear to obey. Practice obedience to my voice. Pray with understanding, pray in the Spirit. Release to me what is in your control, and what is out of control. I will humble the proud, look what I’ve done in you! And see what I can do!
This is the word of my testimony.
“Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
Therefore rejoice, you heavens
and you who dwell in them!
But woe to the earth and the sea,
because the devil has gone down to you!
He is filled with fury,
because he knows that his time is short.”
A Prayer for the Brands
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.